Brides are not cattle

Marriage is not just acquiring or keeping an object for lust release. It is the foundation for building a family. Thinking of importing brides duty free or at subsidized rates is typically male centered. Think beyond. A wife is not cattle that can be bought or sold according to man's means and pleasure. Studies have shown that femicide is not confined to the urban 'middle class' alone. Among the rural poor also it is practised, perhaps under the pressure of more urgent economic constraints, but almost always after the delivery. February 9 at 12:44pm Sreejith, I sensed sarcasm in Parthapratim's, but preferred to ignore whatever little was in yours, because, sarcasm cannot usually expect a serious response. Barring the one about getting fairer ones duty free, your remarks to Parthapratim's, I thought, was meant to be taken seriously. Your end-question especially, 'will that in any way end the discrimination and violence against the girl child...?', did not seem to dismiss the idea of import as a non option. The sarcasm, if at all there was any, was obviously lost on me. Overall, I feel, importing of women even as a flippant idea would occur only where it is thought of as an option, however distant it could be. Or, should we have just taken to the question as a light-hearted tease? Finally, happy to note that you are not an MCP even remotely. February 10 at 6:58am Parthapratim responds: logging on to fb after a while - i see that my comment was sarcastic, quite dark at that. i am truly sorry, if it sounded offensive. the comment was kind of triggered by the last of the tag lines: 'bike ke picche ---'. i realize that while trying to add a darker tone to the dark comic signpost, i have only managed to lighten the seriousness of the issue. really sorry for that. now i am not a feminist, but i am not against women or their rights. i believe, as sincerely as all you do, that female foeticide is a crime. i believe so because i guess that a female foetus is as good a foetus as a male one; not because some of these would make good mothers and wives and solid foundations of innumerable indian families. some believe, and i find some of their points quite noteworthy, that the family is the root of many social evils. having a family makes one selfish, family-centric. having a family leads to the idea of lineage and legacy, the patriarchy, irrespective of if the society is patriarchal or matriarchal or whatever. women's rights are to be supported not because they are more virtuous, but because they are a lot of people just as the lot of men. i really am rather shaky to post this long monologue in fb which is frequented by people wiser than those who are not in touch with the virtual reality. finally, dramatically or melodramatically i am not sure, but seriously, i would prefer a woman on my bike infinitely better than a tiger in a thousand years, or at least until i die or the tigers go extinct. have a good time folks, and blasted be the ones who cannot take a serious matter seriously, but seriously. February 16 at 1:29pm · My response: Parthapratim, after reading your latest post, I am convinced that your earlier response was not intended to hurt anyone, least of all me. Even before reading it, I did not feel any offence. What I usually do is, after taking note of what might help me introspect and improve my attitude to life and life itself, I move on. What is not worth it, I ignore. You have however touched upon a weighty issue as to what is the real worth of the family as a social institution. About that, another time, hopefully. About the worth of the female gender etc; everyone with a view should have a rationale for it. This is my reasoning: Gender equality is not a physical fact, whatever the women’s libbers might claim. I don't also carry any baggage of religious mumbo jumbo, like, all are equal in the eyes of god. Unlike the female cannibals among some species like spiders, praying mantis and fire flies, human females, overall, are physically weak. According to one estimate, 1 out of 3 women world-wide are being physically abused every day; that is more than one billion women a day, every day. See, for example, [http://readersupportednews.org/opinion2/273-40/9999-one-billion-rising] Those abusers are a depraved lot, and there is nothing brave in joining them. They are bullies, and there are enough studies to believe that bullies are, beneath their skin, really miserable cowards. I don’t want to be counted among them. Instead of raping and beating and passing snide remarks in the guise of sarcasm (I don’t mean you), the last of which I believe is bullying on the sly, what is needed is concern for fellow lives, compassion for the weak. But, what I don’t know is this: While some are seen to even empathise with the weak, what makes some others tormenters and sadists? May be, some are born with compassion. Studies about the psychology of compassion are not definitive yet, as far as I know. Oxytocin, the enzyme the pituitary gland normally secretes, and lactating mothers are known to secrete in larger quantities, has been suggested as the one that makes the difference. Whatever that be, I believe compassion can be consciously cultivated. At least, men can learn to let the women live their lives; better still, though, will be learning to love them as fellow human beings, to protect them and be their friends, not possessors. There are, of course, black widows among human species also. But, that is a different problem, and gender imbalance in India’s demography is not related to it. February 17 at 7:25am